When an attack happens the feeling of being dirty is hard to shake. And when you feel this way it’s hard to accept, and be nice to your self. In other words loving your self is not an option if your preoccupied with the feeling of being dirty. And Loving ones self is the only way you can start healing and become happy. you have to start small in your life.
This was weird but I found myself using sex as a way of getting the feeling of my attacker out of my body. meaning I would have sex so that I could in my mind replace that horrible experience. However no matter how many times I tried to use sex as a cleansing/ sick control experience. I would just feel worse about my self. I was not making true connections, I wasn’t ready for Love. I didn’t love myself.
After realizing this was not helping. I came up with my own cleansing experience.
I in my own special way I did a sort of baptism, you find your own special way! I would take a shower and pray to be cleansed. than clean my self from my head to toe. after a bit I would than dry off with a white bed sheet. Wrapping my self in the sheet I would lay in the sun ( sun light through the window). there I would pray and meditate some more, until I went to sleep. this made me feel better for a bit, however I had to do it a few times, and I’m sure I will do it again if times get hard. This was the healthier option to getting that dirty feeling off of me. I grew from a unhealthy way to a way that not only gets me closer to my god, but closer to loving my self. and that is priceless