Give yourself time to Grieve


You must give yourself time to grieve . Why not? You did just die a little . When you, as a survivor hear this. Understand, do not be triggered. Have relief in knowing, I may never be myself but I can recreate my life.

There is a part of one self that will never come back . Your rose colored glasses have been removed , And you’re left with a dirty pair of glasses . It’s up to you to clean them off , And get a good look at life . It’s OK to feel horrible , Something horrible just happened . No one should expect you to feel any certain way. This is your time to grieve .

Take time with your grief and be kind to your self. Stages of grief can look like this Denial, anger bargaining, depression, acceptance.

Denial,is the stage that you are numb. It’s hard to feel anything. love or anger it’s just a feeling of indifference. Many can misconstrued this. Thinking all is fine. But, as we all know it’s not. It’s good to feel again. love is worth it. I promise denial is a sad and lonely place. something happened your not O.K. with. Feel it and move on to Anger.
Anger is like a heavy metal band raging in you mind at all times. exciting yes but we can become hurtful to those around us. How could we not? We have just drugged through denial ware we ignored feelings, and became a doormat to our indifference. Now we have this huge feeling of anger.

This this can actually be a good sign and a step in the right direction. Anger can be good. put it to use and speak out! and don’t stop until you have no shame. How can we control anger? Look up Blessing box in this Blog. There are many ways. what was effective for me were Self defense classes. Not only did I gain self confidence I learned control.

If you for got….   It was not your fault

After anger we can get a feeling of guilt. Again, give your self time to adjust. You did nothing wrong! Stop second guessing yourself . Because, this was a premeditated crime. all about control by the attacker. Take it back! by learning your boundaries, and become the person you need to be. After hard work I have found a deep wisdom in my own tragedy.

Depression this is when we feel the pain. It may not happen for 1-100 years. You can truly learn your self here and through your depression you can recreate your self. this is a normal reaction to an abnormal and horrible situation, of course you are sad. This may be strange , But this worked for me when I had no place to cry .

Go to a graveyard, pick a quiet spot , And mourn your loss . No one will question your tears. Try to avoid graveyards were your loved ones are buried. This is your time for you , And no one else . When you’re in the graveyard realize this. You’re alive ! A part of you has died, but You are still alive . You still have control over your own destiny. There’s still hope for a brighter future for you .

If at any time the graveyard makes you feel worse. Please leave. This may not work for everyone, because everyone is different. morn and morn some more. but again grow and learn to live through love of your self.

Acceptance is the last stage, and you may get there more than once. It’s O.K.  one step forward two steps back. Always push forward. you will get to your goal of living, also there begins room in your heart for hope to live well. That hope grows with time and as you strive to get better you will pick up and learn techniques to be happy. It’s hard work but it’s the best work you’ll ever do!

Michelle McMaster

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